i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
