either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
