I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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