my mouth tastes like poor choices
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
