Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
