But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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