you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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