Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
