Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
