What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
