so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
