The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
