I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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