Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
