I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
