im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
