Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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