stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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