you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
