why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
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Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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