I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
