Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
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I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
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He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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