just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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