Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
