And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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