he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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