look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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