Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
