My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
