she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize