barbara walters just said penis...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
