I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
