The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
