Cold hands, warm shart.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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