I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Hippo gnu deer
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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