I think my fart just growled at me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
