i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
