You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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