but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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