dude i'm inner monologue high
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
