So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
