so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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