he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
