There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
