you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
