please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
