Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
