i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
