piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
