I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
