It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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