I wish you could order shots online.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
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Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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