i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
