If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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