there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
