Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
is it fun? or sober?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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