I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
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