I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The air was thick with penises
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
