seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
