I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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