i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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