May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
