someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I need a beard to bite.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
