You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
