Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
