What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
